Adam
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Hey, I’m Adam and I’m 16 years old. I’m gay, but i try to keep it a secret only my close friends know. I’m 6 foot 5 so i stick out and evrybody knows me…
I’ve been gay since i was 11, or at least thats when i realised myself. We were on a holiday with my primary school and while the other lads were getting dressed i used to try and get glances of them naked- we were there for a week. My first ever crush was in that ‘dorm’ with me and a few others… Liam… he could make me laugh when i was upset and i thought he was beautiful i couldn’t help smile when he was in the room, but i never told him how i felt not once….
My reason for writing this is to help other people like myself, i went through a realy tough time at secondry school some lads guessed was gay from the way i used to find it hard to look away in the changing rooms, and how i would never get in the showers if other people were in there. People used to bully me a lot and I got into a few fights over it but never admitted that i was gay, my dads’ quite harsh and i didnt want to let him down. Teachers tried to talk to me, I lost friends and people started to drift away from me, which is when i started the self-harm. I thought it was a release- a way to feel the pain and face up to things…
Except it didnt all it did was give people more reasns to avoid me, and the more friends i lost the more depressed and angry i became, until i fell behind in school work, my grades dropped and i generally became alone. However in the past few years I have turned myself around… I found someone i could talk to in the school counciling staff and they helped me to break the habit of self harm, and regain the trust of my friends. Now I am moving onto college and I have an amazing boyfriend. We’re not ‘officially together’… yet… neither of us wants to go public untill it feels ryt but life is good.
I guess what I’m trying to say is what my councillor said to me, each of us is differnet yet we are all basically the same, we love, we hate, we hurt and we laugh. So if you find somebody to love and laugh with who doesn’t make you hurt then it’s ok and nobody should stop you. You need to be ‘YOUNIQUE’ because it’s the only way you can be confident and happy in yourself.
To all those out there who still struggle to find the happiness inside I want to say that I love you as my brother and friend, a companion through ‘beliefs’ we are different than other people, yet we are still people and we should be proud of who we are…
There is someone out there waiting for you,
Please don’t through your life away like i nearly did,
source http://www.avert.org